The worst comedy merchandise money can buy

David Mitchell portrait
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Fed up of quality comedy merchandise with production values and reasonable costs? Then welcome to the comedy offering on Etsy...

We're slightly in love with Regretsy, the wondrous catalogue of everything awful and horrific on knit it/grow it/stick-two-pieces-of-wood-together-with-PVA-and-try-to-sell-it-for-£150 homespun retail site Etsy.
 
And guess what? Comedians aren't exempt! Yes, there are some truly, TRULY horrific items that have been created in the name of some comedy greats. And here they are, for you to purchase yourself.
 
 
David Mitchell drawing
David Mitchell portrait
About 100 of these will be found at the scene of David Mitchell's murder. FORTY DOLLARS.
 
 
An oil painting of Ricky Gervais and Larry David
Ricky Gervais and Larry David, painted
Four thousand dollars for a vision of Ricky Gervais that's even more smoothed and buffed than the poster for The Invention of Lying.
 
 
The Mighty Boosh Moon handstitch
Mighty Boosh moon cross stitch
It'll be no surprise that the Boosh provides a LOT of items of Etsy, but this interesting take on the colours 'black' and 'white' is a cut above its competition.
 
 
The Jeff Dunham blue beige capri pants
Jeff Dunham Capri Pants
You might think it's hard to do something worse with Jeff Dunham than just watch his act, but you'd be wrong. These capri pants are made from official Jeff Dunham t-shirts, which must have been found in a bin to make any kind of financial sense for the creators. And if your budget doesn't stretch to $25, no worries: the plain blue ones are only $15.
 
 
Louis CK painting
Louis CK portrait
If you're looking to redecorate your house and are missing that comedy touch, then no worries: here comes the American comedian du jour, Louis CK. Quite a nice painting, actually, but probably only really much use for whoever's in charge of decorating the lobby of HBO.
 
 
Stepbrothers Dangle Earrings
Stepbrothers earrings
As if the temptation to have John C Reilly and Will Ferrell hanging from your ears in glittery blue outlines wasn't enough, they're also lightweight, hypoallergenic and waterproof! 
 
 
Ab Fab Patsy necklace
Ab Fab pendant
Why should Catholics get all the good icon-based jewelry? Wear Joanna Lumley around your neck today! Also available in Louis CK, as is apparently everything on Etsy
 
 
Richard Pryor made from dried rice plants
Richard Pryor rice plants
A chance to own a picture of Richard Pryor looking like he smelt a fart.
 
 
Bill Hicks painting
Bill Hicks portrait
Yeah, that's another one in the face for commodification. Take that, society/The Man! That will be $600 and shipping, please.
 
 
Bill Hicks t-shirt
Bill Hicks tshirt
Something to wear to the gallery opening of the previous entry. Or to the gout clinic, either are good.
 
 
Tim Minchin charm bracelet
 Tim Minchin charm bracelet
This is actually quite charming and rather sweet in a mad Tim Minchin fan sort of way, so let's move along swiftly to...
 
 
Mr Bean painting
Mr Bean portrait
Bloody hell.
 
 
Monty Python custom wedding cake topper
Monty Python cake toppers
One hundred and forty dollars. ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY DOLLARS.
 
 
IT Crowd's Moss as a doll
Moss IT Crowd doll
And we end with an item we'd actually quite like to have. At least until we have got together four thousand dollars for the Ricky Gervais painting.
 
 
 
Person(s): 
David Mitchell
Person(s): 
Ricky Gervais
Person(s): 
Larry David
Person(s): 
Jeff Dunham
Person(s): 
Louis CK
Person(s): 
Joanna Lumley
Person(s): 
Richard Pryor
Person(s): 
Bill Hicks
Person(s): 
Tim Minchin
Person(s): 
Rowan Atkinson
Person(s): 
Richard Ayoade
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In the name of comedy itself,

In the name of comedy itself, these items are priceless because it gives us the pleasure of having tolaugh out loud without even bothering what clothes and accessories they wear. - Mallory Fleming

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